St. John's Counselling Service Pre-Marital Program
Over 35 years ago a commitment was made by St. John's Cathedral to provide both
a spiritual and counselling connection with the Hong Kong
community. Today that counselling commitment continues to grow in
services and resources for Hong Kong's vibrant multi-cultural community at
St. John's Counselling Service (SJCS)
for children, teens, adults and organizations,
irregardless of race, ethnic background, sexual orientation, socio-economic
status, religious or faith. We provide counselling services for Chinese,
Japanese, Indian, French, and English speaking clients with our well-educated
and experienced counsellors who are from Hong Kong, U.S., U.K. Australia, South
Africa, France, Canada, India and Taiwan. In other words, whether our clients
are non-religious, Buddhist, Jewish, Christian, Muslim, Hindi or any other faith
or religion or ethnic/race background, all our counselling services (to include
our Pre-Marital Program)
are based upon a positive psychology model that focuses on a lifetime model of
growth and happiness.
Marriage and Love: A Little Bit of History
Until the 18th century, marriage was primarily seen as an "arranged"
relationship for often times political, economic and/or societal benefits. Some
even argued marriage was seen as an exchange of property first and
foremost (the dowry system in India or Japan for example), with the securing of
a lineage as probably the second motivating force behind marriages (the
arranged marriages of certain royal families across Europe for example).
However, not everything about arranged marriages before the 18th century were without hints of
love, romance and wedding ceremony traditions that we still see today.
For example, did you know that "tying the knot" came about
during the great Roman Empire period where husbands had fun untying the knot
from the girdle of their wife? Gifts at bridal showers started in 17th century Japan with the bride opening her gifts above her
head in a traditional Japanese parasol whereby the gifts were
showered down upon her. The white wedding dress was made popular by Anne of
Brittany in 1499, stag parties initiated by Spartan soldiers, and the medieval
Italians believed that a diamond in the engagement ring was made from the flames
of love. And prior to tying shoes on the back of the married couple's honeymoon
car, Egyptians as early as the 12the century or before exchanged shoes after
wedding ceremonies to wish farewell to the married couple.
The emotion of "love" has always been a driving force for
marriage since the beginning of humankind, but it wasn't until the mid to late
18th century where it finally became a key reason for wanting to spend a
lifetime with another. For example, Duke William IX of Aquitaine (first of the
troubadours) started the social practice of courtly love,
a love that showed passion and romance through song and poems to win the heart
of a woman for marriage. The French in
1696 wrote of duty love in The Bachelor's
Directory, directing the husband "If she (the wife) loves you, you
cannot without ingratitude forbear to love her," and the Puritan divine Benjamin
Wadsworth around the same period proclaimed that "The Great God commands thee to
love her ... How vile then are those who don't love their wives." Subsequently,
as societies became more civilized, modern and open to sexuality and expressing
emotions, we have now discovered other forms of love that sometimes lead to
marriage: agape love, phileo love, unconditional love, physical love, emotional love,
unselfish love, puppy love, friendship love, enduring love, romantic love and others.
For those who are interested to learn more about the historical trends of
marriage and love, the following books are recommended:
Marriage and the Family in the Middle Ages by Frances Gies and Joseph
Gies;
A Natural History of Love by Diane Ackerman;
The Four Loves by CS Lewis;
Public Vows: A History of Marriage and the Nation by Nancy F.Cott;
Marriage, A History: From Obedience to Intimacy, or How Love Conquered
Marriage by Stephanie Coontz.
St. John's Counselling Service Pre-Marital Program
Our Pre-Marital Program has two key themes: i)
Happy Life vs Good Life,
and ii) Who Are You Again?
The first part of the program, "Happy Life vs Good Life," focuses on sharing with
our couples the key ingredients of what makes a happy marriage and how to apply
those key ingredients on a regular basis for an enduring love: the five
intimacies of love, the five levels of trust, the five expressions of
nurturing/giving, the three key elements of happiness, the four stages of
adulthood, and the seven channels of communication. The second part of the
program, "Who Are You Again?," empowers our couples to better understand their "I"
and "We" hats (alone time vs together time), who their elephant (subconscious
self) and rider (conscious self) personalities are, or if you will, our similarities vs
differences, how the female brain and male brain "hard wiring" can lead to
conflict (misunderstandings vs disagreements), and Daddy/Parent and Mommy/Parent
roles (guidance vs nurturing) within the circle of marriage.
Our Caring
Facilitator
St. John's Counselling Service Executive Director facilitates the Pre-Marital
Program who has over 20 years of experience counselling couples from various
cultures and backgrounds in family and marriage. The program is mixed with
humor, learning, sharing, reaffirmation of the value family and marriage brings
to happiness, and
numerous handouts for future reference.
Upon completion of the Pre-Marital Program, all participants receive a beautiful
Certificate of Completion and a supporting letter from our Executive Director
that is recognized by most religions and faiths. Couples should contact their
wedding minister to ensure the program at St. John's Counselling Service is
accepted.
Enrollee
The Pre-Marital Program is conducted on a couple only basis, it is not
done in a small group format as seen in the comedy film License to
Wed starring Robin Williams. Our Pre-Marital Program is open for all faiths
and religions.
Program Time
Sessions can be conducted daytime, evenings and week-ends. Special arrangements
can be made for Sunday sessions.
Venue
St. John's Counselling Service - Central Hong Kong
Medium of
Instruction/Materials
English and Chinese.
Registration
Email your request for more information and/or to enroll in the Pre-Marital
Program at
info@sjcshk.com or call us
on 2525 7207.
Pre-Marital Program
Fees
Fees are based on a sliding fee scale.. Standard number of sessions for Pre-Marital program are
ten (10) but actual number of sessions required for completion depend on various
factors, to be discussed at initial session.
Our Affiliations
As an Organizational Member of BACP (British Association of Counselling and
Psychotherapy) we are bound by its Ethical Framework for Good Practice in
Counselling and Psychotherapy, the Ethical Guidelines for Researching
Counselling and Psychotherapy (where organizations undertake research) and
subject to the Professional Conduct Procedure for the time being in force.
Email:
info@sjcshk.com
