The Good Life
Research over the past 20 years has shown one consistent
theme about happiness: once we are able to meet our basic survival needs
(shelter, food, safety, sense of belonging), earning additional money beyond
what is required for our basic needs does not make us happy or more happier.
Crime, divorce, poor relationships with our kids, substance abuse, depression,
and other unpleasant life experiences occur in large numbers with the wealthy.
Materialism may increase experiences around temporary pleasure, but it doesn't
allow us to connect with an enduring emotion called happiness. Owning the big
house, the fancy car, wearing designer label clothing and staying at 5 star
resorts should be seen as a bonus in life, but not how we live the happy life.
The Happy Life
Research has also shown one consistent universal theme
about how we can live the happy life: experience trust with
ourselves and others, nurture ourselves and others, and engage
with human intimacies (intellectual, emotional, social,
spiritual and physical) with ourselves and others on a regular basis. Anything
above and beyond that is a bonus (even the good life elements), but without
enduring happiness, the short-term pleasure of driving that expensive sports car
is soon overtaken by the unhappiness the real life we have without trust,
nurturing and intimacies with others.
|
|
3 Elements of a Happiness
Pleasant Life
The main focus here centers around activities, such as
yoga, reading a book, listening to music, meditation, quiet walks, taking
photographs, riding a bike or other hobbies and interests that you do alone for
your "I" time
(going out with our mates or a girl's night out is not
pleasant life activities). Our research has shown this allows the
building up of positive feelings
to occur in life
and should be about 20% of your lifetime experiences.
Engaged Life
The main focus here is the interactions with have with
others, the "we"
time if you will, with work, friends, family and other associates. Working with
others, dating, going to sporting events or school, taking the children to
Disneyland, watching movies with your spouse, doing things with friends are all engaged life activities. At the end of the
day we should be experiencing emotional and intellectual
satisfaction in our engaged life, as this constitutes over70%
of our lifetime experiences.
Meaningful Life
The main focus here is on unconditional
giving
to others to experience the sense of
joy.
Volunteering at an animal shelter, visiting the elderly at a hospital, donating
blood or cleaning up the local beaches are all behaviors of the meaningful life.
It does not require us to devote a lifetime of giving to others like a Sister Teresa, but if we spend at least
5% of our
lifetime experiences in the meaningful life, our happiness will greatly be
enhanced.
|
|
Old and New Brain
The Elephant
The old brain has spent a few million years of evolution with its primary role
to keep us alive, or if you will, to survive. Our elephants generally seek
survival by either looking for fires (fight, flight or freeze) or seeking peanuts
(attainments and attachments. Our elephants are able to do this by four key
brain-mind processes: gathering information, decision making, being creative,
and understanding motives. Our elephant brain tends to be the deepest part of
our personality, the sub and unconscious.
The Rider
The new brain has spent only about 70,000 years or so of evolution with its
primary role of reasoning. The elephant attempts to guide/control our riders
whereas the rider seeks to influence the elephant. Our riders basically write
our life story by four key brain-mind processes: portraying our image,
presenting our thoughts and feelings, leading vs following, and
defending/attacking vs exploring. Our rider brain tends to utilize the past,
present and future elements when reasoning whereas our elephant brain is more of
a here-and-now focus.
|
|
